Want to stop overdrinking? Download our free guide now

Can you drink alcohol normally after having a drinking problem?

There are different models or theories that seek to explain how and why people struggle with problem drinking. The two I want to focus on in this blog are the disease model and the learning model.

The disease model tells us that problem drinking happens as a result of a disease that causes irreversible changes in the brain. According to the disease model, there is no cure, only management which consists of lifelong abstinence.

The learning model tells us that problem drinking is simply a learned behaviour or habit. Due to neuroplasticity, the learning model provides that a problem drinker can unlearn old habits and learn newer healthier habits that support drinking in a different, and less problematic way.

If you’re a problem drinker now, you’re probably wondering which model is correct so you can figure out if it’s possible for you to change your relationship with alcohol and drink in a way that isn’t problematic, or if abstinence really is the best option to save you months (possibly years) of trying and failing to moderate and then ending up quitting anyway.

Unfortunately, the answer isn’t clear cut. There are lots of very smart and highly qualified people with conflicting opinions on this subject, and I believe that there is truth to both models to a certain degree.

Below I share my opinion and what I believe to be true when it comes to your options:

The more severe your alcohol use disorder (AUD) and the longer you’ve been drinking this way, the more difficult it will be for you to successfully cut down and moderate. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I am saying it’ll be harder for you than for someone with a milder AUD and or for someone who has been using alcohol problematically for a shorter time. As I said, this doesn’t mean it’s impossible for you, but you may have to work harder than the next person to positively change your relationship with alcohol.

For people with very severe AUDs (including, but not limited to, anyone with a physical dependence on alcohol), abstinence is widely accepted as the safest option, and I support that view.

For many people on the AUD spectrum (regardless of where they are on it – mild, moderate or severe) abstinence is easier than moderation. With abstinence they make one firm decision ‘I don’t drink’ which saves them the mental energy of having to make a lot of decisions around alcohol, and being hyper vigilant to ensure they don’t drink it in a problematic way.

Other factors that I believe play a role include: your level of motivation to change, your belief in your ability and capacity to change (self-efficacy), how effectively you address the root causes of your problem drinking, and your level of dedication and commitment to what can be a lengthy process of behaviour change.

If you’re unsure whether you can moderate and you don’t want to commit to abstinence, I believe it’s worth spending some time experimenting with different moderation techniques. Later in this blog I share our new course supporting women to do this which is a great option to support you on this path. If you find that you can moderate, great. But if you find that despite your best efforts, you can’t moderate, at least you’ve exhausted the option of moderation which makes committing to abstinence a lot easier. In this way, attempting moderation can be a helpful steppingstone to abstinence.

My experience

During my six-month stint in AA in 2018 I remember asking if I’d ever be able to drink moderately. The answer was a resounding NO. I was told I could never safely drink again, and if I thought I could, I was in denial and destined to end up in jail, an institution or dead. I was then told some horror stories of others who had ‘gone back out there’ to really hammer in the message. The impression I was left with was that I was only ever one drink away from devastation forever more.

But this has not been my experience. Well, at least not this time around.

My first sobriety stint was six months of white-knuckling in AA. I was diligently attending meetings and working the steps, but I wasn’t doing anything to address the root causes of my problem drinking which was the PTSD I was experiencing from birth trauma and a complete lack of emotional regulation skills (among other things).

When I went back to drinking after leaving AA, I quickly decided that I couldn’t moderate and that I did want to be sober, but not like that. The journey that unfolded led to me to complete and empowered abstinence for close to three years, doing all the work in our Sobriety Course, changing my subconscious beliefs about alcohol, addressing the root causes of my problem-drinking (including extensive therapy), learning healthier coping strategies for managing stress and difficult emotions, and finding more purpose and meaning in my life.

Then, about six months ago, I consciously chose to reintroduce alcohol. I did this because I wanted to be able to expand Thrivalist’s offerings to not only serve women wanting to go alcohol-free, but also those who want to cut down and drink more mindfully and moderately. I knew that the previous three years of healing and personal development work put me in a much better position to moderate. I felt intuitively that I could drink mindfully and moderately, and I’ve proved myself right.

I’ve now been drinking moderately for six months with no problem at all. I haven’t been hungover, I never drink alone, I actively avoid alcohol if I’m feeling down or stressed. I stop after one or two without any discomfort or internal drama. I don’t see alcohol in the same way anymore and don’t have much desire for it. My husband teases that I’m now “a ridiculously normal drinker”, quite unrecognisable to the way I was drinking back in 2017.

But the best part about being able to drink moderately now is that I’m able to use my experience to help guide other women to cut down and drink in mindful moderation. I’m doing this through the Conscious Drinker Course which is now available inside the Thrivalist Membership. We ran the course for the first time recently and here’s the feedback from one of the ladies:

The Conscious Drinker course provided a wealth of practical tools and guidance to enable me to address my drinking and I found myself cutting back my intake significantly with the help of the course. Jen provided a really safe supportive space that allowed everyone to progress at their own pace.

Kate Smith, December 2021

If you have any questions, please reach out to me at: info@thrivalistsobriety.com – I’m more than happy to connect on this topic and would love to support you inside the Thrivalist Membership.

Post a comment

Your email address will not be published.